And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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