You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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