i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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