honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
