thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
