I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
