The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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