I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
