whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
