FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
