Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to make out with him forever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
