You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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