he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
