Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
