Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize