In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
