Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
