i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
