My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
