i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
