alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
