It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
