Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize