I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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