Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
