Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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