I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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