Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize