Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
