none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
