don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
