he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
