my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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