can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
