so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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