I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
