Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize