I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You made out with two different species that night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
