I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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