I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
