ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
