do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
