Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
