your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
