I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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