i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think people are normalizing furries
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