There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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