I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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