I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
