You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize