Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
