I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
