508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
