break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
foreskin is a definite game changer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
