It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
