I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
