Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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