this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
