we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
