I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
