Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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