Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize